Wednesday 4 May 2016

Extrovertly Conservative Part 1

Being a Sagi, most of my task are veiled with this zodiac that had known for its conservative thinking. No..no I am not talking about that Conservative political party here. It is just small drop of contradiction in me. As the only child in the family, I proned to be bubbly, jovial, easy to express my opinion but deep inside me, I appreciate the 'Me-Time' the most. Freedom to be myself, to play creatively alone, to concentrate on my thesis, hassle myself prior deadlines and to see my solo-achievement as an uber-cool!

At early age of 19th, I don't mind going to Super Kinta and ate at the Food Court ALONE without feeling as a loser. You know when you are teenager, the clinging feeling to be with friends, boyfriend is there. The inner glory said to me you are not born to fit-in. Hack! I dont feel left-out.

The same goes when I took brave decision to leave my all sweet peas behind in order to pursue my ambition. Alone, studying in Southampton, worked part time in laundry shop and florist to aid my expenses plus sent money back home really occupied my time. Then in Leiden, how peaceful this university town is, though I love the weekend-adrenalin+amuse-fix in Amsterdam.I learnt to balance and bridge my Talkative Mind and Me-Time from the Dutch. So serious at office yet so playful on Friday evening or at least life sans kontor :))

Back home, 16 years ago, I started my own spa business. Thought of nurturing the mindfulness and wellness in Malaysia, but the nation is too chaotic. Spa business had been labeled as a hanky panky massage parlour. I am not mama-san. It was really hard to be yourself there, whilst surrounded with desperate, opportunist, stressful so-called friends that altered my epigenetic. Traffic jam is too time-consuming. Wasting time and blaming myself for not being productive enough..oh God..Little that I know, owning a spa business in Malaysia requires 'certain kind of network/socially adhered' to make your business flourish. Haihhhhh...Tired of that, I hailed back to Amsterdam.

Decades after..I lived in Denmark and Switzerland where quietness is Best of Zen. Being alone by yourself is "hyggelig", culturally hyped, the prime precursor to the road of mindfulness. In Aalborg, Denmark, there was less 10 Malaysian nationalities that I met for several gatherings. Numbers depleted by years and at time there was only yours truly in this Windy City.

Politicians may preach..unity is strength, but to have my own personal strength (which is vital) being alone, cherished myself with productive activities is the best strength ever. How can I help the nation if myself is weak as boiled spinach?These past two years, is the time I see myself in the mirror most time (no..no..not parading gowns), learn how to play piano, sewing (yes! that annoying thread that poked my fingers), bake at professional level, learn how to fly a glider and table decorating. I found myself enriching by days without trap in anyone decision, financial situations, point of views that mostly negatively opinionated.




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